All men know about Man Laws, they
have been instilled into our souls from
the MEN in our families and from
watching the way other MEN operate in the world.
We will start to document these laws
here, it will be a work in progress as pulling these
deep rooted laws from
our souls will be time consuming. If you can put into words
some
Man Laws, please forward them to me HERE. This will help speed up the
documentation
of these important laws.
Remember Men, breaking these rules
could diminish your manhood, think about it,
if you broke most of these
rules, how would you look to others, especially other Men?
he,
he...
1. Men DO NOT CRY, exception, when watching the "Ole Yeller" movie .
2.
Open doors for Ladies. Beware, SOME DO NOT WANT TO BE A LADY....
in that case,
let
those people open their own door, that's about as equal treatment as one can be
where
doors are concerned.
3. Always ACT like your listening when women talk...
4. Never Ever ask for directions when there is still gas in the tank...
5.
Never Ever admit you are wrong, side step by saying something like " I
thought you
were
talking about blaa, blaa, blaa" make it look like you
misunderstood... NOT WRONG...
6. If something breaks after you repair it, always claim it was a "Temporary Fix"...
7.
Never get up and go to the TV to do anything, USE THE REMOTE, Keep it close
by,
it
belongs to YOU...
8. If
you loose something Never look for it yourself, always ask others first where it
is.
Always
say something to the effect "It was Right
Here!" Get them to look for it, if
possible....
9. When using a public restroom, Never
Ever look at the person next to you. NEVER
LOOK
DOWN in their direction. Talk only if one of you is busy
washing your hands....
10. The position of the Toilet seat after use is of NO IMPORTANCE.....
11. No matter how well it works, It will always do better WITH MORE POWER....
12. chrome, paint, fancy do dads, always makes things work better...
13. When
buying a expensive toy for yourself, try to buy some little thing for
the wife FIRST,
this will cut down on her reaction to your toy purchase.. If this
fails, Always tell
her
"I don't know why your upset, I told you about it"...
14. Don't admit
anything to a woman unless you want to hear about it for the rest of your
life...
Sure it may make you feel better now. It won't later every time it is
brought up....
15. When
women talk to you, they want something.... (We never can figure out what,
they
never say what they mean..) SO TRY TO FIX WHAT EVER IT IS
ANYWAY...
16. Never cause another mans beer
to foam over... and when asked how much you've
drank
always answer, "Just a couple, why?"
17.
Passing gas and burping are God given recreational activities to be
enjoyed...
Intensify
the moment by having someone pull your finger prior to execution then lift leg
while
executing, a laugh IS called for afterwards. Burps require a gorilla chest
thump prior
to
execution followed by either "that was good" or " that was worth __ points." and
a
laugh
is again required....
18. Always answer YES when your woman ask "Are you listening to me?"
19. When your
woman ask "Do I look good in this" ALWAYS answer YES or YOU LOOK
GOOD
IN ANYTHING DEAR...
20. When your woman ask anything that ends with a
negative word like fat, big, sloppy,old
etc.
like
"Does this make me look fat?" Always answer NO!...
21. If your woman
ever ask if you would re-marry if something "God Forbid" ever happened
to
her,
always answer NO, no matter how tempting she sets up the
situation...
22. Never Ever read an Operators Manual prior to operating the device...
23. Like wise, Never Ever read a Construction Manual prior to assembly...
24. Always consult
the Operators Manual or Construction Manual AFTER you broke it or
lost
part of it...
25. A man does not
put a wedge of fruit in his alcoholic drink unless he is coming down
with
scurvy...
26. If you like it, wear it as long as you like...
27. If it itches, SCRATCH IT ! !
28. Ogeling Girls
is a natural Genetic thing, don't worry about it, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR
WOMAN
SAYS.....
29. Just before
you do something really stupid where you know you will probably get hurt,
you
always have to say, "WATCH THIS !!"
30. When things
are not going well while repairing or working on anything, it is OK to
express
your REAL FEELINGS, and it often helps to
SMACK what ever your working on. If
after
the SMACK it spontaneously starts working
on it's own, TAKE CREDIT FOR FIXING IT....
31. Stores are
built for Women's Pleasure, for MEN they are aggravating, Get in and
Get
out
as FAST as possible...
32. Try to stay away from restaurants that have more forks in front of you than food...
33. A
Cheeseburger with everything IS a well rounded meal having Meat, Vegetable,
dairy
and
wheat
grain all in one great tasting package, don't let those multi
fork people tell
you
different....
34. A Brewsky tops off any meal, don't let those Wine Cork Poppers tell ya different....
35. Popping a cork on a bottle of wine is OK, but Hard Liquor is where it's at...
36. Play Boy
Magazines and the like are works of Art with informative Articles.
Remember
to
always talk about reading the articles when asked what you're doing with
it.... You
may
note a smile in return. At least you have planted a shadow of
doubt.....
37. Don't feel
bad about only being able to see 16 colors as the default of
Microsoft
Windows.
Women see all Colors and wonder why we cannot. Peach is a fruit
not a color, Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is...
38. Men have
to invent Toys, one for another as we can't bear children. So we Make
and
Play
with Cool Stuff, like Cars, Motorcycles, Boats, Planes, Skidos, 4
wheelers, etc.
And
when we do have offspring WE teach them to play with their toys. And
if we still get
bored, we can blow something up or crash something or watch others do
it....
39. Even if
you don't know how to screw in a light bulb. Always find a reason to buy a
new
tool
just in case God grants you repair wisdom, you'll be ready... ( Remember
rule 22 and
23,
experience is better than book learning
anyway..)
40. Don't worry about being Politically Correct, we never get it right anyway....
41. Getting ROUNDER as
we get older has nothing to do with being out of shape, no
matter
what others say.......
42.
When you ask your woman what is
wrong and she says "nothing," act like
nothing's
wrong. You know she
is lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle....
43. We feel
aggressive because God put juice in our blood called
testosterone to
help us
thump
our chest and drag our knuckles, breaking branches and beat the
ground
with them. He did this to insure we and our mate survive
in this world against
enemies.
Civilization is here now. Men still
like to HUNT and do aggressive WILD
things. Now
Civilization means we have to suppress
aggression except for Sports invented
by
Civilization to provide an outlet for aggression. Like womens PMS, we
can't help
it
either....
44. Men have three emotions: Hungry,
Horny and Aggressive, We wish women
would
understand that all they need to do to make us happy is be smart enough
to know
when to be in the kitchen or bedroom and support our watching or
participating in
sports or playing with toys.... This IS
the emotional needs we need met, pretty
simple to make us
happy...
